Smoking
More Healing Tales
On a mid-November day, I received an e-mail titled "HELP" from a woman named "Maggie". She was in day ten of quitting smoking, and thought she might be losing her mind. She felt like she was in mourning. She had to push herself to do even normal things, and was always on the verge of tears. She felt like she always had to gasp for air and every muscle in her body ached. She was 48, and had smoked one pack per day for the last 32 years. This was her second serious try at quitting. She made an appointment for a hypnotherapy session for the first available opening, the following evening.
The Healing Ambience
The great psychiatrist, hypnotherapist and healer, Milton H. Erickson suggests that the unconscious sees and remembers a great deal that the conscious mind is entirely unaware of. Since my living room would be the setting for this particular session, the place was carefully arranged to "speak" in the unconscious language of healing. When Maggie arrived, she hung up her coat on a hall wall-rack hook between jackets flanking it on the outside so that there would be plenty of room inside for her coat, as if to say, come inside to a safe place, protected and warm. When she sat on the living room sofa, Faith Hill's "Breathe," Kat Eggleston's "Second Nature," and "Kenny G. Live" protruded from the other CDs in the stereo cabinet facing her. A photograph was placed between two of the CD's, to set up the strategy of saying to her, "Let me draw your attention to this picture." As she drew closer to the legless man wearing a tuxedo with a white flower in his buttonhole, sitting in a wheel chair by a woman in a white wedding dress, shoes and gloves, holding a bouquet of white and yellow flowers, she could hear the story of how he had learned to use mind/body healing to get back the use of his writing hand, crippled by arthritis and scrap metal picked up in Viet Nam, and rid himself of horrendous phantom leg pain that had tormented him for thirty years. The hidden suggestion that she, too, had it within her to heal herself of her ills would be reinforced by the subliminal message of the protruding CD's: Breathe, Second Nature, and Live.
The release statement Maggie read and signed also included some embedded healing suggestions. The purpose in all this is not to put the subject into the hypnotist's power, but to put her into her own power, where she can be more free to solve the problems she wants to solve, in the way she finds to solve them.
The Language of the Unconscious
Maggie had spent the last eleven days gasping for breath. Her body ached all over and she felt possessed by an all-consuming grief. Her inability to function had become so pronounced, she had had to take Tuesday off from work. She signed her release form and looked up expectantly.
How does a person rid herself of physical withdrawal symptoms simply by using her imagination, and the power of physical self-attention? The conscious self has done all it can: if she could have solved the problem by dint of conscious will power, or rational input, she would have. The job of the hypnotherapist, or healing facilitator, is to enlist the aid of the unconscious, the healer within.
She had been smoking a pack a day since she was around 14. Although she did not remember exactly what year that degree of smoking started, she did remember her very first cigarette, which was in 4th grade.
After quitting for three months, during which time she suffered the same kind of withdrawal symptoms she was currently experiencing, while in Vegas with her daughter, she picked up a cigarette and again started smoking a pack a day.
A healing technique is to regress a subject to an earlier time so that she can unconsciously utilize experiential memories from a time before she had the problem. When asked to remember something from 3rd grade (since she smoked her very first cigarette in 4th grade,) Maggie remembers her teacher. She was an OK teacher - she feels OK about her - her teacher was nice. She's not sure of her name - it was Sister something, maybe Sister Mary Elizabeth, but she remembers her face.
Right now, Maggie does not feel OK. She feels like she can barely get through the day. She is gasping for breath. During this earlier time, however, she has described herself as "feeling OK" about this teacher. If we can take this experience, this feeling OK about the teacher, and expand this sense of "feeling OK" to Maggie's present dilemma, then her normal breathing will return, her muscle aches will leave, and she will heal herself of her nicotine fit. If this sounds like a far-fetched strategy to the conscious mind, let us wonder if enlisting the aid of the unconscious mind will increase our chances of winning this gamble, or if betting on Maggie's ability to heal herself will turn out to be a sucker's bet.
"Really focus in on that face of your teacher - just remember that face and concentrate on it." Maggie does - "OK, keep doing this, really keep that face firmly in mind and, at the same time, notice your breathing - you don't have to change it, or prevent it from changing, just notice it - and notice that face, really keep remembering your teacher's face from 3rd grade, and 3rd grade girls are really good at breathing."
Maggie's face and body register a twinge of recognition about little girls being good at breathing - "Their muscles are supple and good at relaxing and they breathe really well, and you don't have to fix your breathing, or stop yourself from fixing it - just notice it, and keep concentrating on that teacher's face, and you're in 3rd grade, you've never smoked a cigarette, and she's a nice teacher, isn't she?"
"She was always nice to me," Maggie remembers warmly.
"And she taught you wonderful things. You're at a formative period, very open to learning, and just notice your breathing, and you don't have to change it, or stop it from changing, or try to make it better, and you can just relax and notice that face. And your body can remember what it's like to have never smoked a cigarette - it can come to you through this memory, because if you're remembering this teacher, you're remembering yourself, too, because you were there seeing her, but don't worry about that, just keep noticing her face, and maybe other memories will come to you that will help you, somehow. Have a sense that there can be a marriage between the woman you are now … and the third grade girl. A good, healthy marriage, between your wisdom and experience and perspective now, and your abilities and perspective then."
Since Maggie had once before given up smoking but relapsed in Vegas, perhaps she was unconsciously placing the bet that she would not get cancer. If so, it seemed prudent to give that good gambling energy something more helpful to bet on.
"You like to gamble?"
"Yes, I enjoy it."
When asked if she remembered a time when she had won, she said she had never won - "Well, a couple of bucks. The most I ever won was twenty, and then I lost it right after." "OK, but before you lost it - right after you won, do you remember how you felt?" "Oh, five hundred and fifty dollars! How did I forget? I won five hundred and fifty, once." "And you remember how that felt, right before, when you didn't know what would happen, and when it was happening, and after you'd realized you'd won?"
"Oh, yes, I remember!"
"And it felt good."
"Oh, yes."
"I'd like you to just focus on that feeling of winning, how good it feels to bet and win, and you enjoy betting - YOU ARE a BETTER - and that feeling, just relax, and you can shut your eyes and remember it, and really pay attention to that feeling, that memory of winning a bet, and we're going to give you something better to bet on - you're going to bet on yourself. And this is a bet you can win, and just keep remembering how great it feels to bet and win. And I'd like you to make a bet that you won't smoke a cigarette for the next week."
She placed this bet, inwardly and silently. "And right now you might have some muscle aches, and you've had some difficulty getting your breath, but don't focus on that right now, don't worry about that right at the moment - let that be small, around the edges of your awareness, let it kind of fade away in your consciousness and really focus on that feeling of winning that five hundred and fifty dollars, and how great it feels to win, and you've made another bet, and you love to win bets, and it makes you feel good - winning this bet is going to make you feel really great - and keep that feeling of winning in mind, and we're going to give you another bet, and that's that you won't pick up another cigarette for two weeks. Just place that bet with yourself."
She nodded that she had done this. "But that's only two bets you're going to win, and you're going to feel great winning those bets, and now you're betting on yourself. And the great thing about these bets, is that when you bet on the slot machines, generally you lose, and it costs you money, and there's plane travel and that costs, but these bets are going to make you money, real money, and how much does a pack of cigarettes cost you?"
She orders them over the Internet and gets them by the carton: it's about a dollar eighty a pack.
"And when you give up smoking, you'll make a dollar eighty a day, and how many days will it take you to make five hundred and fifty dollars?"
Using a calculator that was offered, she figured out that it was around 305.5 days.
"Now, you've only made five hundred and fifty dollars one time in your whole life, betting, and I want you to make another bet you can win, because when you bet on the slots, it's not really in your control, but this WILL be in your control, and you're going to feel so good when you win these bets, not just two bets, but now why don't you bet on yourself that you will not smoke another cigarette, not take one puff, for three months."
She placed this bet.
"And even if time passes and you don't remember when three months is, somewhere within yourself, you're going to win and have that great feeling of winning, and you're going to feel great winning these bets, and let's make one more bet you can win, and that's that you will not take one puff, not even one, from a cigarette for the next nine months."
She placed this bet.
"And the money's rolling in. And you win a couple bucks now and then, very rarely - once you won 20, but now, you're going to win a couple bucks every day, and in a couple weeks you'll win that twenty bucks, and you love winning your bets, and it's going to just feel great, and even if your shoulders are a little tense, don't worry about that now - let that slip away, and focus on winning that five hundred and fifty bucks, how GREAT that feels, you just love to bet and win and you're going to be doing a lot of winning, and let's make one more bet, because 9 months isn't enough, is it? Let's say that your muscle aches leave and you're breathing easy and functioning well, and you've won your four bets, well, we're not there yet, are we? You might pick up another cigarette, but you're not going to do it, because I'd like you to bet on yourself that you will not take one puff from any cigarette, not even one puff, for ten years."
She placed this bet with herself and we agreed that if she made it ten years, then she would never again be tempted to smoke. We didn't have to make any more bets.
"And do you have a memory from 2nd grade - something you remember? A classroom? A friend? Something that stands out clearly?"
"It's the teacher again," she said. What she remembered was that her teacher was going to get married, and she was all excited and talked about it all year. Maggie's parents were upset at this because they thought she should be doing more teaching, but Maggie thought it was cute, and liked her teacher. She remembered her glowing face, full of enthusiasm about her pending marriage. The suggestion was now offered that she focus on this memory and at the same time gently notice her breathing, and her shoulders, and not to worry about them - she didn't have to change them, or prevent them from changing - but to really focus on this feeling of excitement about looking forward to something good that was going to happen. And her teacher was giving her the feeling that marriage could be really exciting - and whereas she wasn't going to get married now, she was in second grade, she could have this feeling of something being really exciting, and she could get married to her decision to give up cigarettes. She could make a commitment. And this could be a good, healthy marriage, and it would have to be a serious commitment, for life. And sometimes marriage is difficult, but she could make a commitment to carry through on giving up smoking, and just get married to this decision.
So inwardly, she had a wedding ceremony, and took a sacred vow to give up smoking, and then it was suggested that 2nd grade little girls were really good at learning new things, and at breathing, and they had wonderful, supple bodies, and relaxed muscles, and it might be that her muscles have been aching … to take this step, and her lungs have been gasping to give up smoking, and she was taking this wonderful step, and making a commitment, and then her attention was directed to her hands. Did she know how to tie her shoes?
She did.
"And you might not be able to tell me how, right over left, make a loop, whatever it is - but your hands remember that for you. So you don't have to laboriously follow those mental steps and remember what they are - your hands just do it for you, they hold that memory, and think of some of the wonderful things they can do. They can pick up things, and stroke someone in a loving way, and button a button, and think of some of the wonderful things they do for you, and sort of inwardly appreciate them and thank them."
Without moving her hands from her lap, she contemplated them, and then was asked to ask them for help, and to promise her they would never pick up a cigarette and light it. They would be her first line of defense. Even if she weakened and wanted to reach for a cigarette, they could tell her no, and refuse to do it.
She had some inward conversation with her hands and, when asked if she felt they were on board she said, like someone sweating it out, that she hoped so. The voice in dialogue with her conscious as well as her unconscious mind said, "I think they are. They want to help you. They can help you win your bets, and the money will roll in, and you're not going to win five hundred and fifty dollars just once, but you'll win before a year is up, and then you'll win again, and again, and you'll have that wonderful feeling that you just won this bet ... and can you think of some things you really enjoyed smelling? In any order, some of your favorite smells."
She nodded and immediately thought of a smell she loved and continued to think of it and it was the only smell she thought of. It was her body lotion, and she really liked the smell of it. And her shampoo and other products had this same smell. Then another favorite smell came to her as well. The game was then to smell her body lotion, and to focus on it, and to focus on that feeling of enjoyment in smelling it and on how she was doing something she liked, because she liked to smell it, and she had made it part of her, it was part of her body now, part of her smell, and it was always available to her. If she was waiting at a red light she could smell that body lotion, and she'd be doing something she really liked doing, and even if she wasn't wearing it she could remember that smell. "See if you can remember it and smell it at the same time, and focus on that feeling of doing something you really enjoy. And you can notice your breathing, and your shoulders, but mainly focus on that smell."
Her face had begun to change more and more during this session, as if a tense, worried, haggard bearing were changing to the look of a princess contemplating something of regal import. In order to make available to her bodily experiences from a time even further removed from smoking, the suggestion was offered that, "Babies are even better at breathing than little girls. They don't have to learn how, they just know how, and adults like me go to yoga classes to relearn how to breathe like babies. You didn't tell me what your other favorite smell is," and she said, "A newborn baby." She must have thought she was dealing with a mind reader, but really it was just the unconscious saying, You're on a roll, keep going, so we talked about that smell and she explained that she had two children, and remembered how they smelled when they were born, and it was the same smell: the smell of a newborn baby. "Focus on this smell, really hold it in your memory, this wonderful smell of a newborn baby, and as you remember this smell you might begin to think of yourself as a newborn baby, because in a way, you are. You're starting a new life, you're 11 days old, and you can also think of yourself as your mother; you're the baby, and you're also the mother, and you would NEVER let anything bad happen to your baby, would you?" "No," she said, and there was a fierce and irrevocable determination standing behind that "No". "You're like a mother lioness protecting your young." She nodded. "And holding that smell of newborn baby in mind, that wonderful, unmistakable smell, again consider the fact that in a way YOU are a newborn baby, and you're responsible for taking care of this baby, and you will never let anything bad happen to it." She nodded and seemed, in her quiet way, to be deeply moved, as if a deep, loving grief were stirring within her, calling her to a resolution based on compassion. She said that her children, like her husband, were pulling for her, but this really had nothing to do with them or anyone else. It was her against herself. She was in battle against herself.
Fighting yourself can be a losing battle, so the game was now for her to offer a deal to this part of herself that wanted to smoke. If it would give up wanting to smoke, what would it want in return, in order to do this, to give up this battle? What thing that on the whole would be good for her would it like in return for not smoking? She could simply ask, and she didn't have to receive an answer yet, or agree to it, but at least she could ask.
Message from the Unconscious
She did this silently and, with our bets firmly covered, we finished up with some Therapeutic Touch."I'll move my hands close to your body, without touching you, in order to rebalance your energy." The treatment of what practitioners would call Maggie's "energy field," yielded an intuition of energy taking the form of something pathetic, yet sacred, like a prayer of someone who is dying. A healee who was also a healer once told me how upon entering a room, she saw someone smoking and sensed that this was a turning point - this person was OK so far, but if she kept smoking, it would kill her. This was the moment where it could go either way.
Upon hearing the intuition that she might very well be saving her life by taking this step, Maggie said, "No, I know. I nursed my father when he was dying of lung cancer, at the age of 53."
Maggie now relaxed in the reclining chair where the healer had sat, and had the darkened room to herself for a couple of minutes, with the suggestion that she didn't have to do anything, just absorb things. After a while, she heard me come into the room and sit on the couch where she had sat. To thus place the healee in the healer's place is a way of saying to the unconscious, "You are the healer now, not me. You know how to do this. I'm looking to you for help." When asked her how her muscles were feeling, she said, "OK". When asked her how her breathing was, she said, "OK". She felt OK for the first time in 11 days and agreed that if she remained in this state, that would be fine. What she wanted to know was what she needed to do. "Should I see you again? What will happen? I never asked for help, but now I'm asking for help from wherever I can get it."
"Well, I have the feeling you won't need to see me again. See how it goes. If there's some ups and downs, see if they level off. If not, I'm here. We can have more sessions. But the main thing is, you can learn this. Because I didn't do anything. I talked to you. No medications, no needles, and you learned to be able to breathe again without gasping for breathe, and to let your muscles relax, and to feel good about this. Because the idea isn't to give up cigarettes and feel lousy, that's not the goal at all. It's to give up cigarettes and feel GREAT! To have MORE energy for life, and to breathe easier, and to be free of worry. People who smoke carry around worry, even if not consciously. They worry about cancer. They worry about wrinkles, about aging prematurely. They worry about the passive cigarette smoke bothering other people. They worry about how they smell. And the idea is to free you of worry. To keep your face free of worry. To take burdens off you. It's really quite simple. You're taking a great step to feel BETTER, and to breathe better, and to have more energy, and you're in control of it. And I think you're going to be fine."
She said she would call me immediately if she needed me, asked if I minded cash, paid me a hundred dollar bill, and I hugged her goodbye. Gazing at the photograph between the protruding CD's of the man's whose healing story I had not needed to put into words, I thought of Maggie's symptoms leaving her in my living room. I didn't know what was going to happen to her, but if I were a betting man …